Being a good communicator is a valuable asset to have. Whether it be for occupational, social, or even romantical purposes. Unfortunately, not all of us (myself included) are very social people.
What is easy for some may be highly stressful for others. While friendly chitchat at work might be stimulating for Tommy, Brad may be internally criticizing himself while questioning and overanalyzing every word he says.
For those of us who aren’t very good at social interactions, practice is important. Whether it be with friends, relatives, or random people you meet in town.
It’s important to note, however, there are social norms that we need to take into consideration when having these conversations.
Here are a few things to keep in mind to help ensure more productive and meaningful conversations in the future.
Communicating involves sending a message to the other person.
Every time you communicate with someone you are sending a message. Therefore, your goal should be to send that message in the most relevant and transparent way possible.
Unfortunately, sometimes there can be communication barriers that can negatively impact the message reception.
For instance, if someone is angry, they are not going to act and respond in the same way that they would if they were in their natural state.
We communicate in three ways. Verbally, vocally, and visually.
Verbal communication: Having an in-person conversation with a friend.
Vocal communication: The tone of voice you have when talking to said friend
Visual: The body language you exude throughout the conversation
Because the goal of communication is to send a message effectively, we need to use whatever medium does that best.
For instance, if you’re going to fire someone, you should probably do it in person rather than via text. Doing overwise could be seen poorly and make your employees feel undervalued.
You Got Fired: RadioShack Sacks 400 Employees Via E-Mail – DMNews
The DO’s and DON’TS of communication
In order to improve our communication skills, we must learn what works and what doesn’t. Below is a list of things to keep in mind.
The DO’s
Be confident
People are more likely to be receptive to your message if you are confident in yourself and your abilities.
In order to have good conversations with people, we need to carry ourselves in a positive light.
if you are constantly self-critical and hyper pessimistic then you will come across poorly to others.
Speak clearly
Our speaking also plays a role in how others perceive us. We should always speak in a clear and audible voice.
Don’t speak too quietly or mumble your words. Doing so will make you look timid and uncertain.
Always look at the other person you are speaking to. That will help others hear you better.
Listen intently
Everyone should listen with the intent of understanding.
An ideal conversation will involve a mutual understanding from both parties. If you cannot understand what the other person is saying, how are you going to have a meaningful discussion?
The job of a listener is to listen carefully. We should therefore ask for further clarification if everyone is not on the same page.
Be concise
The job of a speaker is to be as concise and easy to understand as possible.
Otherwise, when the other person is decoding what you say he will become confused.
Don’t be too wordy and exhaust the listener. You want your message to be short and sweet.
That way it is easily digestible to others. Sometimes it’s less about how much we say and more about how we say it.
Nod your head
Whenever you are conversing with someone, a simple nod of the head can go a long way.
It can show you are paying attention to what is being said as well as potentially be a sign of agreeance with the speaker.
Be slow to speak and quick to listen
A lot of times we are more worried about getting our words out rather than listening to the ones of others. This can be a problem.
In order to have a decent conversation, both parties must be able to have their voices heard.
We should aim to limit interruptions and defer from switching the topic of the discussion unless necessary.
Paraphrase what the other person is saying to the best of your ability
Because understanding the other person is such a vital part of communication, it can be good to paraphrase the gist of what they are saying.
This shows you comprehend the speaker and further clarification is not needed.
This can also allow the other party to clarify things further if you both are not at a mutual understanding.
The Don’ts of communication
Dismiss the other person’s feelings
You shouldn’t dismiss what the other person is feeling. Even if they are acting in a way you feel you wouldn’t.
Yes, sometimes people can be overdramatic about their problems, but it’s not good to just dismiss other people’s feelings outright.
For instance, if someone you know is describing the “bad” day that they had, and you feel they are being overdramatic, it may be best to just leave well enough alone and let them vent.
What matters is that they came to you. Don’t disregard their feelings just because you would respond differently to a situation.
Change the subject prematurely
Unless you are trying to de-escalate a heated conversation, it’s best to stay on the subject at hand.
Trying to change the subject can be seen as rude and somewhat selfish. Surely, the time will arise when you can do such a thing, but forcing it will not look very good.
Have poor body language
Confidence in ourselves can result in higher-quality social interactions. How we portray ourselves can be a reflection of how we view ourselves.
Our body language can put that on display for others to see. In order to appear more approachable, we must
- Maintain eye contact with the speaker or listener
- Stop hunching
- Keep our shoulders positioned properly
Look at your phone throughout the conversation
Yes, our cell phones can be distracting. But there is a time and a place to use them. In the middle of a conversation is certainly not one of them.
Constantly glaring at your phone can be a huge distraction and can lead to misunderstandings. On top of that, it makes it look like you don’t even care about the conversation in the first place.
If you really care about it, why not give it your undivided attention?
Interrupt the other person
As a sign of respect, we should aim to always let the other person get their words out without interruptions.
Interruptions are rude and can make you seem dismissive of the message the other person is giving you.
It is a good idea to wait until there are multiple seconds of silence before we make our interjections.
Conclusion
Improving our communication skills can prove to be very rewarding.
It can boost confidence, improve our listening skills, help us better analyze what is being said, and help us evolve into more socially adept people.
In the end, an improvement in our social skills means an improvement in ourselves. And for many, that change will be empowering.